It was cold, and dreary, and rainy all day - but what a wonderful day it was!! I thank God for answered prayers and for strength to get me through situations that were new to me. He has helped me reach out to the hurting - even though it is so not in my comfort zone. Through me he has touched hearts - and I see Him revealed. Oh God, you have made me stronger than I ever thought I could be. I constantly see shaky ground around me and wonder how I will make it through. Even through those cracks in the earth, I have remembered your name. You have ordained a name for me and a destiny to which I will triumph! In the past you have shown me how to jump over the craters and make it to safety though I wanted to test the heights.
I know that I alone cannot help the situation, but God I know you have put me smack dab in the middle of it and you have put the words on my tongue. Dear God, I plead that you stay with me through this journey. That you will stay with me step by step - I know my tendacy to run away with all the "right answers". Forgive my foolish pride.
The hills may tumble, the mountains may fall, but you, oh Lord, my God will triumph over all!!
Praise to your name!
Sonya
3/22/10
3/18/10
Esther
It is quite amazing that Donna asked me to help facilitate with her in our ladies bible class. I am thrilled, I am scared, I am anxious, and with the group of wonderful women, I have to admit that I feel a bit unworthy. That's my gaping insecurities showing through. Ringing loud and clear! How providential that our introductory night of Beth Moore's study of Esther highlighted all of those insecurities.
I know I will be blessed by this study. I know that the people I am associating myself with will help me recover from the shame of my past. I know that God has blessings for me and for my life - I believe that with all my heart. I know that it doesn't "all work out" the way I think it will - or that I think it should.
The most amazing part about all of this is that I can only imagine the shock that my previous colleagues would have on their face if they knew I was put into this position. That is a testament to the sin in my life. That often brings more shame and guilt on me than I can bear. It brings me to my knees knowing how far away I was from God. I know my God forgives - I know that my God loves me - and He protects me - and His grace saves me. I also know the consequences of my past decisions - how often it is just difficult to forgive myself.
This is my prayer for this study - God please allow me to forgive myself and be a perfect witness to your work in my life. - AMEN!
I know I will be blessed by this study. I know that the people I am associating myself with will help me recover from the shame of my past. I know that God has blessings for me and for my life - I believe that with all my heart. I know that it doesn't "all work out" the way I think it will - or that I think it should.
The most amazing part about all of this is that I can only imagine the shock that my previous colleagues would have on their face if they knew I was put into this position. That is a testament to the sin in my life. That often brings more shame and guilt on me than I can bear. It brings me to my knees knowing how far away I was from God. I know my God forgives - I know that my God loves me - and He protects me - and His grace saves me. I also know the consequences of my past decisions - how often it is just difficult to forgive myself.
This is my prayer for this study - God please allow me to forgive myself and be a perfect witness to your work in my life. - AMEN!
3/11/10
40 Years... WOW
40 years ago today I was born. I just can't fathom being 40. I know I'll look back on this day as I have others (I can't believe I'm 20...30...35...) and so it goes. I didn't know how it would hit me, but I am optimistic.
This I do know: I am not curled up in a fetal position like I did when I turned 30. It took me quite a while to recover from that birthday in 2000. I never expected that date to affect me... to bring me down. But now that I approach 40 with nothing but enthusiasm it is clear to me. At 30 I felt that I had accomplished nothing. I felt that I had basically wasted a decade. My 20's were very non-eventful. There are entire years in the 1990's that are not defined by anything. My 30's however, now those years were eventful. In a period of merely 10 years I rose to heights in my career... I traveled all across Europe, and Australia, and Mexico, and the Philippines. I moved to the "big city". But most of all, I experienced the greatest miracle of my life in the birth of my baby.
Oh how I still shutter to think of the plan God had for me when I was moaning in 2000. He knew all along - and he withstood my self-pity and loathing. He tolerated my selfishness, and ingratitude. He stayed right beside me when I turned my back on him. And he opened his arms and hugged me so tightly (I can still feel it) when he welcomed me back. He "Ran to me"...
In the past year especially, I have learned how fragile life is. I have learned to take nothing for granted. I have learned to care less about me and more about Him. I have learned that life is more than the world's version of "success". And I have lived to testify that God's definition of "Success" brings perfect peace, while the world's definition, when attained, provides heartache and regret.
And what will I say at 50? Well, I don't want to rush things - but bring it on!
This I do know: I am not curled up in a fetal position like I did when I turned 30. It took me quite a while to recover from that birthday in 2000. I never expected that date to affect me... to bring me down. But now that I approach 40 with nothing but enthusiasm it is clear to me. At 30 I felt that I had accomplished nothing. I felt that I had basically wasted a decade. My 20's were very non-eventful. There are entire years in the 1990's that are not defined by anything. My 30's however, now those years were eventful. In a period of merely 10 years I rose to heights in my career... I traveled all across Europe, and Australia, and Mexico, and the Philippines. I moved to the "big city". But most of all, I experienced the greatest miracle of my life in the birth of my baby.
Oh how I still shutter to think of the plan God had for me when I was moaning in 2000. He knew all along - and he withstood my self-pity and loathing. He tolerated my selfishness, and ingratitude. He stayed right beside me when I turned my back on him. And he opened his arms and hugged me so tightly (I can still feel it) when he welcomed me back. He "Ran to me"...
In the past year especially, I have learned how fragile life is. I have learned to take nothing for granted. I have learned to care less about me and more about Him. I have learned that life is more than the world's version of "success". And I have lived to testify that God's definition of "Success" brings perfect peace, while the world's definition, when attained, provides heartache and regret.
And what will I say at 50? Well, I don't want to rush things - but bring it on!
3/9/10
Bunko Night
What a wonderful group of ladies! I am so blessed to have found the ladies of Gwinnett. They are so supportive, so fun to be around, and they are such a blessing to me.
Tonight was my first night to host bunko. Elizabeth helped me - she is such a joy to be around!! We decided to host at the church building since it is a bit of a drive up to our house. It worked out perfectly. We had "Salad night", so I could fix most of my menu ahead of time.
Elizabeth and her ghost "Amy" rocked! Too bad we decided that hosts don't win :( She ended up with 4 bunkos, the most points, and 14 games!
I'm ready to go to bed to get some rest - with a smile on my face knowing that any one of those wonderful ladies always have my back! Thank you God!!
Tonight was my first night to host bunko. Elizabeth helped me - she is such a joy to be around!! We decided to host at the church building since it is a bit of a drive up to our house. It worked out perfectly. We had "Salad night", so I could fix most of my menu ahead of time.
Elizabeth and her ghost "Amy" rocked! Too bad we decided that hosts don't win :( She ended up with 4 bunkos, the most points, and 14 games!
I'm ready to go to bed to get some rest - with a smile on my face knowing that any one of those wonderful ladies always have my back! Thank you God!!
3/5/10
Begin Again
I remember that song
"There was an old man named Michael Finnegan
He grew whiskers on his chin again,
Shaved them off but they grew back in again,
Poor old Michael Finnegan, begin again"
Then it repeats, faster and faster. That's how I feel a lot of times - NOT in reference to the whiskers (although now that I will be 40 in less than a week, the whiskers are multiplying VERY FAST)... But when I sit down to journal, or keep track of events, I get started, then I find myself having to start over, and over, and over. Here it is, March 5th and the first of my March posts.
My wish today is that I have the discipline to be diligent in taking the time to daily 1) Stay in the word, 2) take a few minutes to journal, 3) meditate in total silence, 4) take 30 minutes to exercise to care for the temple God has blessed me with.
I use the age-old excuse of time - "where did the time go?", "I don't have time", yada, yada, yada - rubbish (that's for you, Stef). My time for daily renewal should come from my first fruits. The first hours of my day. The First Efforts of my existence... not the remainders.
I don't like left-overs, I admit I don't eat left-overs... I know it is wasteful, yet I can't seem to talk myself into eating them. Why do I expect God to take my offering of left-overs?
"There was an old man named Michael Finnegan
He grew whiskers on his chin again,
Shaved them off but they grew back in again,
Poor old Michael Finnegan, begin again"
Then it repeats, faster and faster. That's how I feel a lot of times - NOT in reference to the whiskers (although now that I will be 40 in less than a week, the whiskers are multiplying VERY FAST)... But when I sit down to journal, or keep track of events, I get started, then I find myself having to start over, and over, and over. Here it is, March 5th and the first of my March posts.
My wish today is that I have the discipline to be diligent in taking the time to daily 1) Stay in the word, 2) take a few minutes to journal, 3) meditate in total silence, 4) take 30 minutes to exercise to care for the temple God has blessed me with.
I use the age-old excuse of time - "where did the time go?", "I don't have time", yada, yada, yada - rubbish (that's for you, Stef). My time for daily renewal should come from my first fruits. The first hours of my day. The First Efforts of my existence... not the remainders.
I don't like left-overs, I admit I don't eat left-overs... I know it is wasteful, yet I can't seem to talk myself into eating them. Why do I expect God to take my offering of left-overs?
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