It was cold, and dreary, and rainy all day - but what a wonderful day it was!! I thank God for answered prayers and for strength to get me through situations that were new to me. He has helped me reach out to the hurting - even though it is so not in my comfort zone. Through me he has touched hearts - and I see Him revealed. Oh God, you have made me stronger than I ever thought I could be. I constantly see shaky ground around me and wonder how I will make it through. Even through those cracks in the earth, I have remembered your name. You have ordained a name for me and a destiny to which I will triumph! In the past you have shown me how to jump over the craters and make it to safety though I wanted to test the heights.
I know that I alone cannot help the situation, but God I know you have put me smack dab in the middle of it and you have put the words on my tongue. Dear God, I plead that you stay with me through this journey. That you will stay with me step by step - I know my tendacy to run away with all the "right answers". Forgive my foolish pride.
The hills may tumble, the mountains may fall, but you, oh Lord, my God will triumph over all!!
Praise to your name!
Sonya
3/22/10
3/18/10
Esther
It is quite amazing that Donna asked me to help facilitate with her in our ladies bible class. I am thrilled, I am scared, I am anxious, and with the group of wonderful women, I have to admit that I feel a bit unworthy. That's my gaping insecurities showing through. Ringing loud and clear! How providential that our introductory night of Beth Moore's study of Esther highlighted all of those insecurities.
I know I will be blessed by this study. I know that the people I am associating myself with will help me recover from the shame of my past. I know that God has blessings for me and for my life - I believe that with all my heart. I know that it doesn't "all work out" the way I think it will - or that I think it should.
The most amazing part about all of this is that I can only imagine the shock that my previous colleagues would have on their face if they knew I was put into this position. That is a testament to the sin in my life. That often brings more shame and guilt on me than I can bear. It brings me to my knees knowing how far away I was from God. I know my God forgives - I know that my God loves me - and He protects me - and His grace saves me. I also know the consequences of my past decisions - how often it is just difficult to forgive myself.
This is my prayer for this study - God please allow me to forgive myself and be a perfect witness to your work in my life. - AMEN!
I know I will be blessed by this study. I know that the people I am associating myself with will help me recover from the shame of my past. I know that God has blessings for me and for my life - I believe that with all my heart. I know that it doesn't "all work out" the way I think it will - or that I think it should.
The most amazing part about all of this is that I can only imagine the shock that my previous colleagues would have on their face if they knew I was put into this position. That is a testament to the sin in my life. That often brings more shame and guilt on me than I can bear. It brings me to my knees knowing how far away I was from God. I know my God forgives - I know that my God loves me - and He protects me - and His grace saves me. I also know the consequences of my past decisions - how often it is just difficult to forgive myself.
This is my prayer for this study - God please allow me to forgive myself and be a perfect witness to your work in my life. - AMEN!
3/11/10
40 Years... WOW
40 years ago today I was born. I just can't fathom being 40. I know I'll look back on this day as I have others (I can't believe I'm 20...30...35...) and so it goes. I didn't know how it would hit me, but I am optimistic.
This I do know: I am not curled up in a fetal position like I did when I turned 30. It took me quite a while to recover from that birthday in 2000. I never expected that date to affect me... to bring me down. But now that I approach 40 with nothing but enthusiasm it is clear to me. At 30 I felt that I had accomplished nothing. I felt that I had basically wasted a decade. My 20's were very non-eventful. There are entire years in the 1990's that are not defined by anything. My 30's however, now those years were eventful. In a period of merely 10 years I rose to heights in my career... I traveled all across Europe, and Australia, and Mexico, and the Philippines. I moved to the "big city". But most of all, I experienced the greatest miracle of my life in the birth of my baby.
Oh how I still shutter to think of the plan God had for me when I was moaning in 2000. He knew all along - and he withstood my self-pity and loathing. He tolerated my selfishness, and ingratitude. He stayed right beside me when I turned my back on him. And he opened his arms and hugged me so tightly (I can still feel it) when he welcomed me back. He "Ran to me"...
In the past year especially, I have learned how fragile life is. I have learned to take nothing for granted. I have learned to care less about me and more about Him. I have learned that life is more than the world's version of "success". And I have lived to testify that God's definition of "Success" brings perfect peace, while the world's definition, when attained, provides heartache and regret.
And what will I say at 50? Well, I don't want to rush things - but bring it on!
This I do know: I am not curled up in a fetal position like I did when I turned 30. It took me quite a while to recover from that birthday in 2000. I never expected that date to affect me... to bring me down. But now that I approach 40 with nothing but enthusiasm it is clear to me. At 30 I felt that I had accomplished nothing. I felt that I had basically wasted a decade. My 20's were very non-eventful. There are entire years in the 1990's that are not defined by anything. My 30's however, now those years were eventful. In a period of merely 10 years I rose to heights in my career... I traveled all across Europe, and Australia, and Mexico, and the Philippines. I moved to the "big city". But most of all, I experienced the greatest miracle of my life in the birth of my baby.
Oh how I still shutter to think of the plan God had for me when I was moaning in 2000. He knew all along - and he withstood my self-pity and loathing. He tolerated my selfishness, and ingratitude. He stayed right beside me when I turned my back on him. And he opened his arms and hugged me so tightly (I can still feel it) when he welcomed me back. He "Ran to me"...
In the past year especially, I have learned how fragile life is. I have learned to take nothing for granted. I have learned to care less about me and more about Him. I have learned that life is more than the world's version of "success". And I have lived to testify that God's definition of "Success" brings perfect peace, while the world's definition, when attained, provides heartache and regret.
And what will I say at 50? Well, I don't want to rush things - but bring it on!
3/9/10
Bunko Night
What a wonderful group of ladies! I am so blessed to have found the ladies of Gwinnett. They are so supportive, so fun to be around, and they are such a blessing to me.
Tonight was my first night to host bunko. Elizabeth helped me - she is such a joy to be around!! We decided to host at the church building since it is a bit of a drive up to our house. It worked out perfectly. We had "Salad night", so I could fix most of my menu ahead of time.
Elizabeth and her ghost "Amy" rocked! Too bad we decided that hosts don't win :( She ended up with 4 bunkos, the most points, and 14 games!
I'm ready to go to bed to get some rest - with a smile on my face knowing that any one of those wonderful ladies always have my back! Thank you God!!
Tonight was my first night to host bunko. Elizabeth helped me - she is such a joy to be around!! We decided to host at the church building since it is a bit of a drive up to our house. It worked out perfectly. We had "Salad night", so I could fix most of my menu ahead of time.
Elizabeth and her ghost "Amy" rocked! Too bad we decided that hosts don't win :( She ended up with 4 bunkos, the most points, and 14 games!
I'm ready to go to bed to get some rest - with a smile on my face knowing that any one of those wonderful ladies always have my back! Thank you God!!
3/5/10
Begin Again
I remember that song
"There was an old man named Michael Finnegan
He grew whiskers on his chin again,
Shaved them off but they grew back in again,
Poor old Michael Finnegan, begin again"
Then it repeats, faster and faster. That's how I feel a lot of times - NOT in reference to the whiskers (although now that I will be 40 in less than a week, the whiskers are multiplying VERY FAST)... But when I sit down to journal, or keep track of events, I get started, then I find myself having to start over, and over, and over. Here it is, March 5th and the first of my March posts.
My wish today is that I have the discipline to be diligent in taking the time to daily 1) Stay in the word, 2) take a few minutes to journal, 3) meditate in total silence, 4) take 30 minutes to exercise to care for the temple God has blessed me with.
I use the age-old excuse of time - "where did the time go?", "I don't have time", yada, yada, yada - rubbish (that's for you, Stef). My time for daily renewal should come from my first fruits. The first hours of my day. The First Efforts of my existence... not the remainders.
I don't like left-overs, I admit I don't eat left-overs... I know it is wasteful, yet I can't seem to talk myself into eating them. Why do I expect God to take my offering of left-overs?
"There was an old man named Michael Finnegan
He grew whiskers on his chin again,
Shaved them off but they grew back in again,
Poor old Michael Finnegan, begin again"
Then it repeats, faster and faster. That's how I feel a lot of times - NOT in reference to the whiskers (although now that I will be 40 in less than a week, the whiskers are multiplying VERY FAST)... But when I sit down to journal, or keep track of events, I get started, then I find myself having to start over, and over, and over. Here it is, March 5th and the first of my March posts.
My wish today is that I have the discipline to be diligent in taking the time to daily 1) Stay in the word, 2) take a few minutes to journal, 3) meditate in total silence, 4) take 30 minutes to exercise to care for the temple God has blessed me with.
I use the age-old excuse of time - "where did the time go?", "I don't have time", yada, yada, yada - rubbish (that's for you, Stef). My time for daily renewal should come from my first fruits. The first hours of my day. The First Efforts of my existence... not the remainders.
I don't like left-overs, I admit I don't eat left-overs... I know it is wasteful, yet I can't seem to talk myself into eating them. Why do I expect God to take my offering of left-overs?
2/28/10
Blink
I have this crazy obsession... and I don't often talk about it. I just can't help myself when it comes to reading church reader boards. 9 out of 10 times I cringe at the message - those ridiculous play on words that make me roll my eyes and say "How in the world is that helpful in trying to touch people's lives". I read every one that I pass - and usually pass my critiques or occasional praise along to Bryan who has learned to put up with my opinions.
Tonight I passed one, but I didn't share it. I just wanted to think about it for awhile. I don't remember it word for word, but in essence it said "Life changes in a blink of an eye - but God NEVER blinks". (Thanks to the First Korean Unitarian Church of the Almighty King - or something like that)
That really got me thinking about God's power - his omnipotence - his ever present love, mercy and grace. God NEVER blinks.
Our eyes need refreshing moisture continually to function - our lives need refreshing mercies continually to continue to function in living our lives for Christ. God renews mercies everyday - thank God for his refreshing spirit!
I thank God for our wonderful ladies at our morning meeting at church this morning for their passion for helping others, for their encouragement, and for the inclusion of all for the good of our almighty God.
Tonight I passed one, but I didn't share it. I just wanted to think about it for awhile. I don't remember it word for word, but in essence it said "Life changes in a blink of an eye - but God NEVER blinks". (Thanks to the First Korean Unitarian Church of the Almighty King - or something like that)
That really got me thinking about God's power - his omnipotence - his ever present love, mercy and grace. God NEVER blinks.
Our eyes need refreshing moisture continually to function - our lives need refreshing mercies continually to continue to function in living our lives for Christ. God renews mercies everyday - thank God for his refreshing spirit!
I thank God for our wonderful ladies at our morning meeting at church this morning for their passion for helping others, for their encouragement, and for the inclusion of all for the good of our almighty God.
2/27/10
2nd Place
Oh my precious baby! I just can't imagine what life was like before she entered my life... now, how cliche is that?! I did tell my self that "that's ridiculous, I will always remember what it was like for those 18 years!" But I realize now that it is not that I will forget, it is simply that I now can't imagine how I lived my life without the source of joy that only she can bring. How she lights up my day, and keeps a smile on my face. Just so amazing.
We took her to the 8th grade boys basketball final this morning at Duluth MS at 11am "North Gwinnett vs. Pickneyville". She was very sleepy, and just stayed in my lap clinging to me most of the game. She liked to point at the NG Bulldog mascot, but didn't like it when he came any closer to her. Waves are good enough for now.
Though they led most of the game, the NG boys unfortunately fell apart at the end of the 3rd quarter and ended up losing by 6 points. During the trophy ceremony I found it interesting that some of the NG boys refused to smile. In today's society 2nd best just isn't good enough.
In God's society we are always first. He exhaults us above all things. He put us before his only son. He did what no other would fathom doing.
The next time I find myself feeling like I'm "nobody", I want to remember those in 2nd place, those who had every right to feel proud as being one of the best in the field of many - and remember that I am always first with God.
Bryan, Brylee and I went to lunch at Olive Garden. I was going to take Bryan to Mimi's Cafe for the first time, but the waiting time was insane! We did have a gift certificate to OG, so that was our second choice. After a delightful lunch/dinner we are now home. We all took advantage of Brylee's afternoon nap time, and now it's time to get busy. How can I keep my house clean? Oh to have an answer to that question!
We took her to the 8th grade boys basketball final this morning at Duluth MS at 11am "North Gwinnett vs. Pickneyville". She was very sleepy, and just stayed in my lap clinging to me most of the game. She liked to point at the NG Bulldog mascot, but didn't like it when he came any closer to her. Waves are good enough for now.
Though they led most of the game, the NG boys unfortunately fell apart at the end of the 3rd quarter and ended up losing by 6 points. During the trophy ceremony I found it interesting that some of the NG boys refused to smile. In today's society 2nd best just isn't good enough.
In God's society we are always first. He exhaults us above all things. He put us before his only son. He did what no other would fathom doing.
The next time I find myself feeling like I'm "nobody", I want to remember those in 2nd place, those who had every right to feel proud as being one of the best in the field of many - and remember that I am always first with God.
Bryan, Brylee and I went to lunch at Olive Garden. I was going to take Bryan to Mimi's Cafe for the first time, but the waiting time was insane! We did have a gift certificate to OG, so that was our second choice. After a delightful lunch/dinner we are now home. We all took advantage of Brylee's afternoon nap time, and now it's time to get busy. How can I keep my house clean? Oh to have an answer to that question!
2/26/10
New Start
Wow! So much has happened since 2007. I am a totally different person. I have evolved, grown, fallen, received redemption, doubted, trusted, found true love, learned unconditional love, wept, felt more joy than imaginable, just to start the list.
I feel I need a new start... and I want to journal more. I love the idea of journaling, I have not had the discipline to sit down and do it. I've had "time", I just haven't been proactive. I know it will be therapudic for me. I know that it will help me organize my thoughts. I pray that I find the discipline to continue. That is to be determined.
I was a bit paralized today. I have been in deep thought, concerned for the Bizaillion family for the loss of their wife/mother. My prayers have been fervant, my own joy extinguished at the thought of such loss on earth. I pray tonight and tomorrow for the realization of Jenny's victory in death - her birth into eternal joy and bliss. I know she is no longer suffering - I know that she knows no sorrow - I know that her sweet daughter is missing her mommy - and that her husband, who obviously loved her so very much, is lost without her by his side.
My prayer today is that God will keep this family close to my heart, in my mind. They are strong, and their witness strengthens my faith. I thank God for them and for their strength. I pray that I can be a servant to God, a witness who does all things to God's glory.
I feel I need a new start... and I want to journal more. I love the idea of journaling, I have not had the discipline to sit down and do it. I've had "time", I just haven't been proactive. I know it will be therapudic for me. I know that it will help me organize my thoughts. I pray that I find the discipline to continue. That is to be determined.
I was a bit paralized today. I have been in deep thought, concerned for the Bizaillion family for the loss of their wife/mother. My prayers have been fervant, my own joy extinguished at the thought of such loss on earth. I pray tonight and tomorrow for the realization of Jenny's victory in death - her birth into eternal joy and bliss. I know she is no longer suffering - I know that she knows no sorrow - I know that her sweet daughter is missing her mommy - and that her husband, who obviously loved her so very much, is lost without her by his side.
My prayer today is that God will keep this family close to my heart, in my mind. They are strong, and their witness strengthens my faith. I thank God for them and for their strength. I pray that I can be a servant to God, a witness who does all things to God's glory.
10/31/07
10/2/07
8/30/07
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